Do you have ego? Who doesn’t! I don’t study about egos. But I know I have. Sometimes, I tell my ego to go to hell and swallow my pride and accept my mistakes. Sometimes, I talk very politely, even though my ego is boiling inside like a magma. Sometimes, I let my ego win, fully knowing that, my ego is wrong. Sometime, I let my ego wear a crown and walk with her head held high like a queen – because she deserves it. Ego is not bad or good. It is something which is there so that you can exist. It is an idea, that can explain to yourself who you are, at that moment.
What am I if I take my ego away? May be I can take it out, place it in front of me and stare at it. What would that leave me with. Emptiness? My egos are unpredictable. They irritate me, they soothe me, they choke me, they comfort me, they make my life miserable, they make me happy, they make me think, they introduced me to logic and sometimes logic back stabs them. What I think of myself, and what I want to think about myself are nothing if I don’t have egos. I am not a philosopher or a saint. So I can’t analyse about how your ego works. But, I can experiment with my own.
My ego sometimes shows contradictory traits. With one hand it will push me to take risks and with its other hand it will try to push me down -weird!. I have tried to imagine how my ego looks like. Most of the times it looks like earth’s core, those are the times when I feel confident. Sometimes, I look for it, and it is like peeling an onion. I search under layer after layer, ending up with nothing. It melted away to some dark places.
Once I asked my friend, how does your ego look like. I thought that, hers will be like a butterfly or a flower. She stared at me for few seconds and laughed. Okay! so may be I am the only one who paints pictures about ego.
It’s just that, I was trying to write about something and my ego was not letting me. So I thought, “I will write about you instead”. I know nothing makes any sense. But, sometimes, I don’t want to make sense, I just want to blabber.